Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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