That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
