3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
