You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize