Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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