I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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