Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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