Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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