she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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