we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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