There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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