i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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