I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Soap is not a condiment
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I forgot wine drunk hurts
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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