You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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