Im at strip club and am horny
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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