i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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