Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
