He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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