My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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