If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
