Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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