Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.