fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.