Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.