glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker