on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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