That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
