i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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