what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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