Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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