I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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