Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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