i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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