So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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