No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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