I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
