are you so shy because you have an std?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
