he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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