Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're like the curious george of whores
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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