Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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