Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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