the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
