Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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