the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
