she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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