his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize