you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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