Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize