yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
