paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
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I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts