I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.