You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
