Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
