it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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